Tuesday, November 26, 2013

pretty purple polish lady

Not on my nails, to clarify.

After the wax art a few weeks back, I basically did the same thing with nail polish. Except nail polish is not a candle. In fact, you really shouldn't combine the two, since nail polish is wicked flammable.

Maybe sometime in the summer, outside, I'll try combining nail polish and wax. Outside, in case something catches on fire and/or goes horribly wrong.

I had some free time on my hands, and I don't mind sacrificing some nail polish. So here we are.

 Started out with some brush strokes with red and pink.

My white plastic headband broke that day, so I took a stab at it. It obviously looks hand painted, but I don't know why people don't do this more often. It doesn't smell, and it's all nice and glossy and shiny.

I started off with the purple lady off to the left. You can see my first attempt right next to the pink birthday cake. I also threw some white-out on there as well. I'm fully aware of the fact that there's very little space between her breasts and her pelvis. I know it's not exactly proportionate.

Then I proceeded to the seaweed below her hand. You probably couldn't tell that was seaweed. It's seaweed.

The sunset took some time, but blending all my colors on top of each other was really neat, especially since I didn't give the polish time to dry before adding more.

I don't care what you say-- I'm SO proud of that eye. I don't have black nail polish, so I had to work with my dark purple. Starting out, I was thinking, "well this is just asking for trouble, trying to paint an eye with nail polish.." I even added a little dot of sparkly goodness to the iris. I dunno, I think it's a cutey.

And there's an awkward tree in the middle of the paper.

And last but not least, the pink birthday cake with the sparkles flying off of the candles. It's supposed to be smoke, alright?

Now here's a question I have for all you science-y folk out there.

Why does nail polish still smell like nail polish after painting on paper, but not on plastic and your own nails?

Whenever I flip to that nail polish page of my sketchbook, people's faces contort and they have to take a step back, and say something like, "ah.. yeah.. that's cool.. just close it, it smells like shit."

I should get that laminated or something.

The only downside to nail polish art is the fumes. I don't want to accidentally become high off of the fumes, yaknow? I try to stay clear of that kinda thing. It won't be a regular thing, I guess. Just a lil' fun and experimenting. I think overall, nail polish should make for some good finishing texture touches on a painting, but it shouldn't stand as a painting on its own.

Phase two of wax art is coming. Problem is, I've supposedly been "banned" from lighting candles in my room. Personally, I think that's just because he doesn't want me getting wax everywhere. And because I was using candles from around the house.

So I'll have to stock up on my own candles, which makes me sad, because that involves me working to get money.

My job ain't so bad, though. I could work from home whenever I wanted to, I just always find something else to do that's usually more fun. Like paint with nail polish.


Sunday, November 17, 2013

mid-day, stuffy, sweaty, unpleasant, judgemental workouts

This quarter of the year, every other day in the middle of the damn school day, I have to go down to the Fitness Center for my gym period.

It's either that or speed ball.

Pros and cons. Here we go.

  1. If you have a healthy self-esteem that isn't easily damaged, then you're good to go, no matter how in/out of shape you are.
  2. There's cardiovascular shit and strength machines all in one room. Woah.
  3. If ear buds don't bother the hell out of you, then you can just block out everyone else and focus on your own workout.
  4. You're not playing speed ball.
  1. It's hot and stuffy and smelly in there. When I'm biking, I like to have cold, fresh air blasted in  my face. That reward is non-existent on the spinning machines. No, a fan will not suffice. It's not the same.
  2. People everywhere. Better people on the treadmill, right next to you. Perfect opportunity for comparisons! Just tilt your head a little bit, and you can see how many less calories you're burning than the person next to you. They can do the same to you.

    One of my friends suggested I just do weights, if I hate it so much. Then I'm afraid that people will see how many pounds I'm lifting; or how many I'm not lifting.
  3. If ear buds bother the hell out of you, then you're pretty much screwed. You're stuck listening to the horrible pop music they play in there, along with the news on the TV.
  4. I find it impossible to get a runner's high when I'm in there, no matter how hard I work.
  5. Just watching everyone else working their asses off is a damper on my mood. For a second, I might think, wow I'm working really hard. That's cool. Go me. But that's just for a second or two.
  6. The gym coach has to come around and check everyone's heart rate. I'm pretty sure mine was so high because A) Maybe I was working hard? I don't know. B) I got so scared that my heart rate wouldn't be sufficient, and I hate having her stand next to me and stare at the screen on the machine until it read what she wanted it to read. 
Can we all just agree that high school gym sucks?

Alright. Good talk.


Saturday, November 16, 2013

post-high school shenanigans

'Twas a rough day for no particular reason.

It's just wicked terrifying to think that in just a couple years, I'll be off to college...?? Wow okay. I can barely hold myself together under my parents roof...

I know I really shouldn't worry about this quite yet, since I'm still just a sophomore. But I am, in fact, worrying very much about this. Oops.

I decided to go around my friends and ask them what they had in mind after high school, since we're all in the same boat, so to speak.

Responses were comforting.

Here are a few of my favorites:

"I have absolutely no idea and it terrifies me. I just want to be happy." 
Pretty much sums it up for me. 

"College somewhere and then ummm" 
The person who said this is a senior in High School. 

"kiss tall boys"
Same, but girls instead of boys please and thank you. 

"i want to learn a low brass instrument and march DCI and i don't really know anything else."
DCI = Drum Corps International. Best thing ever; I'd love to go someday. 

"...mainly I want to be a librarian by day and an activist by night and find a cute person and fall in love and marry them and maybe have a small army of teacup pigs and pygmy goats and other miniature versions of animals." 

Only a couple people had a solid plan of which colleges they wanted to apply to, and maybe what they'll major in... but the majority of them were like the ones above. 

I feel obligated to throw out there what my vague idea of the future is. 

I'm hoping on going into graphic design, special effects for movies, animation... something of that nature, or a combination of those. That stuff really fascinates me. The entire process of making movies, whether animated or not, just amazes me. 

My dream school is UPenn, but I don't think I'll ever get in there. I'm trying to look for more schools focused on the arts and such. 

So there you have it.


Monday, November 11, 2013

got myself some balloon mail

Found this outside my house in a bush.

In case you can't read it, she writes, "My wish for this year is to have a great year!!! :) Natalie" 

It's from a local girl scout troop.

Her address and troop number is on the back, and she's asking for me to write back.

I think I'll keep this balloon, branch, and construction paper leaf forever. This is so adorable.

Looks like you've got yourself a new pen pal, Natalie.


xyz changed their profile picture. again.

Why has it become such a big deal on Facebook?

It makes me kinda sad, actually.

All it is, is a tiny little thumbnail next to your name around the social media website. That's it.

It really has to do with self-esteem.

I guess it's just a tool to boost someone's self-esteem. I mean, it's no secret that a whole bunch of teenagers struggle with self-esteem.

I guess it's just the amount of effort that some people go to, simply to upload a picture of themselves, that makes me sad. That, and the frequency of changing their profile pictures.


The likes part bothers me the most.

But I'll get to that in just a little bit.


We will go out of our way to take hundreds of selfies, delete all of them, start over, try to find just the right one...

Cropping it just right.

Finding just the right filter.

Adjusting the brightness, contrast, warmth.

Until it looks just right.

Then the caption...

Finding just the right song quote, or inspirational quote.

Maybe this time it'll be some witty saying.

Or maybe I won't say anything.

Then I finally upload it. 

And wait.

Getting so nervous with every minute that people are just scrolling by my face.

Thinking that people hate me, and think I'm ugly.

And then, the first like comes up.

Alright, I can breathe. Someone approves of me. 

Repeat the next time I really need a self-esteem boost.


I know this because I've done this too, for the past couple of years. I don't obsess over it very much anymore, probably because I have a great one right now, but it's still nerve-wracking whenever I change it.

I never said that my self-esteem is as high as our national debt.

I usually change mine about once a month, but I have a wicked good one right now, so I'm keeping that forever. It's from the labor day parade in the pouring rain. I'm in the marching band, front row of flutes, perfect horn angle, glasses all fogged up. The picture came from the Worcester Telegram paper, so it's pretty damn nice.

I don't obsess over the caption though. For the most part, I don't have captions. No one reads those, anyway.


Alright. The LIKES. Here we go.

I'm not even sure if I like the concept of "likes" to begin with.

It's a number. A way to measure, to compare. Much like all the other horrible numbers in our lives: our grades, our weight, our time management and time limits, our age. The list goes on.

We'll compare our likes with likes on our own past profile pictures, and everyone else's profile pictures.

The likes ultimately backfire, and make us feel even worse.

A) Likes makes you feel great about yourself. Woah... 75 likes. Okay, I guess I'm appreciated. This feels nice.
B) Oh, but that person got over 200 likes. She's better than me, and I'm not good enough. Time to go wallow in self-hate for a while.

See what I'm saying?

From my perspective, I honestly think they do more damage then encouragement.


I guess you could say I kinda miss the days where it wasn't a big deal, and some of my friends had pictures of cats as their profile pictures.

That's all I have to say about that.


Tuesday, November 05, 2013

wax art??

I don't even know if "wax art" is a thing. I'm just experimenting, alright?

This is what I've chosen to do with my day off, by the way. I tried drawing the male body in correct proportions and detail earlier today, and that did not end well. It's much easier drawing things that you're attracted to. For me, that's females. I always make the arms and legs of males look smooth and pretty instead of stereotypically chunky and muscular.

Anyway. I felt like going out of my comfort zone today, so here we are. 

Lately I've been getting really into scented candles, and playing with candle wax.

My first experiment involved my Orange Sapphire candle from Bath and Body Works. Much to my despair, they don't make those anymore. Why can't they just stop making new scents all the time and just stick with the good scents that they already have? I'm telling you, it'd be a whole lot easier and less confusing for everybody. Wait-- they should have us VOTE for the scents to discontinue. Yeah. Democracy at it's finest.

So the wax is orange. That's all you really need to know.
I was dipping my fingers in the wax, and I saved the dried little flakes of wax that resulted. I thought it would look real cool if I rubbed the dried wax on paper, and I thought it would be kind of like a weird makeshift crayon.

Here are the results:

I'm fully aware that it looks like someone had an accident of some kind. I'll leave that part up to your beautiful imaginations. 

I've managed to convinced myself that it wasn't a complete failure. Maybe it'll add a cool texture on top of something else. And then it'll win an award somewhere and some fancy judge with his glasses about to fall off his nose will come up to me and ask, "gosh darn it why does it smell like oranges?!" 

Can't a girl fantasize sometimes?

So that was a bit of a let down. I thought it would look a lot cooler than that.

So my next attempt at "wax art" is to burn a bunch of different colored candles and drip them over a piece of paper, and maybe that'll look cool. 

I'm actually writing this as a play-by-play, because I actually haven't done this experiment yet.

I went candle hunting around my house, and found appropriate fall colored candles. 

From left to right, we have "Sparkling Cinnamon" from Yankee Candle, "Autumn Leaves" from Yankee Candle, "Warm Vanilla Sugar" from Bath and Body Works, and "Orange Sapphire" from Bath and Body Works.

My room smells hella nice right now, I can tell you that. 

I can already tell that I will be buying and asking for many candles this Christmas. Wink wink.


Here are the results of this experiment:

Oh my. That was interesting...

I'm not exactly sure what I was going for. But I can tell you that it's very hard to control where the wax goes. As soon as you drip it on the paper, you lose control and hope for the best. I guess I'll have to practice getting my wax under control.

This also looks like a messy accident... a bloody one.

Here's another one. I was holding it at different angles, and blowing on it while it dried quite quickly.  I actually don't mind this one. As you can tell once again, the wax is just going all over the place; very hard to control.

"Oh yeah, I still have some Warm Vanilla Sugar wax left. Might as well keep going..."

This one was a bit different. I took a towel, rolled it up and placed the paper on top, so it would be at a cool angle, so the wax would drip off the sides. Despite the weird colors, this one was a fun experiment. 

The only bad part is that it was a towel, and I don't know what the hell I was thinking. Now I gotta get the wax out of the towel. Better whip out that Oxi Clean. 

This is the final product of my first attempt. What a gorgeous murder scene... 

I think this one is my favorite out of the three, actually.

The aftermath.  

That's exactly what I was going for. The waxes mixing and merging and blending. But of course, that happened on the paper bag, not the paper itself.

Things to try for next time:

-Take a blow dryer to the wax as it's drying
-Preferably bigger paper
-Don't have your computer so damn close to the experiment
-Take a lighter and remelt the wax after it's dried - make some edits??
-Add Elmer's glue to the mix

I'm not even kidding, the paper bag was just inches away from my laptop. I know, I'm such an irresponsible delinquent.

So. That was interesting.

"What'd you do on your day off?"
 "Ah, nothin. Just messed around with candle wax. Tried to make it look pretty."
"... I just watched Netflix all day."


Monday, November 04, 2013

I actually give a fuck about time

I certainly hope I'm not the only one who has this problem.

Most of the time, I'll run around saying, "Oh, damn, I never have time for that! Next time I get the chance, I'll do that!"

Now I have a day off of school tomorrow, and I have no idea what to do with my life.

It's wicked overwhelming, and it shouldn't be this stressful. It's a day off. I should be giving zero fucks, sleeping in until noon, and just playing the whole day by ear.

But I do, in fact, give a fuck. Unfortunately.

Like most, I SUCK at time management.

I don't know what to do tomorrow, because I don't like people. I love people, but I hate people.
There are going to be people, stepbrothers included, at my home tomorrow.

I'll probably resort to camping out in the basement with some nutella, my laptop, and my flute.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go cry my eyes out while listening to the entire Lord of the Rings soundtrack. Just synched it to my iPod, and it's beautiful.


Sunday, November 03, 2013

music tastes

I am sick of people bashing others music tastes.

There is no wrong taste in music, just different ones.

How hard is that to understand??

You can dislike certain music genres, artists, whatever. That being said, you don't have to be an asshole about what you don't like. This applies to all things that you don't like. Yeah, you can have an opinion, of course. First amendment. I know. But don't be an asshole, because nobody likes to be around assholes. 

People are always arguing about "real music" and "real talent." Really? 

Here's how I look at it: making music is not easy, no matter what genre. Therefor, I have respect for all who decided to go into music and do that for a living.

The term "real music" means nothing to me. Absolutely nothing. It's all music, whether or not you think it sucks.

As far as talent goes, I ain't gonna say that anyone isn't talented. That's just rude. I don't like to weigh talent, either. By that I mean, I don't like saying that one person has more talent than another. COMPARISONS. That's what I hate. I hate comparisons, in the grand scheme of things.

And then, of course, there's always the angle of instruments.

It takes years and years to become incredibly skilled at any instrument, so I tend to have more overall respect for musicians who play instruments, especially those who can play more than one.

Then again, I'm sure it takes years and years to become incredibly skilled in remixing and digital editing and all those fancy terms that I don't know the name for.

I'm just biased towards instruments because I'm learning two myself, and it takes a shit load of work. Saxophone and flute, for the record.

If anyone wants to buy me a cello, that'd be cool.

I do not consider the voice to be a musical instrument. That's not a good or bad thing, considering I sing myself. I'm not in chorus though; I don't want to be in chorus. Something about school choruses just piss me off. I'm not sure what it is. 

Now that that's all out of the way, I'll go ahead and say that I am a huge fan of The Piano Guys, anything with cellos and/or violins, classic rock, a few musicals, solo piano music, and I also have a playlist of tolerable pop/Indie/alternative music.

Look the Piano Guys up right now on YouTube. I swear, for a piano and a cello group, they have the coolest music videos I have ever seen. For cryin' out loud, they put a grand piano on the Great Wall of China. It was NOT a green screen; I was at their concert in Boston, and they told us the whole damn thing.

That's all I've got for tonight...

I lit an orange scented candle in my room tonight, and my room at my dad's place is wicked small, so now it's all cozy and warm in here.



Friday, November 01, 2013

halloween things

A lot of people my age still like to go trick-or-treating. I can almost understand why they would want to do that.

"Oh, it's so much fun! It never get's old!!"

"Dude you get a bunch of free candy, what's not to love?"

All that.

I'm about done with trick-or-treating. Maybe when I'm older, I'll be that cool mom who dresses up as a cow girl and goes out with the kids.

The problem with trick-or-treating is, it's a shit ton of walking, you get sweaty and cold at the same exact time, and every couple minutes you have to throw on your polite innocent face and say the same exact script.

Kind of nauseating, I must say.

I'd rather be crashing on the couch with my guys, watching family guy, maybe eating some leftover candy from the front door stash, and just talking. No walking, no sweating, no script. Which is exactly what I ended up doing last night.

But, if you must know, I still dressed up. I decided to dress up as Holden Caulfield from J.D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye. 

I know that sounds depressing, considering his character, but oh well. It's by far my favorite book that I've read for school. 

And hell, I couldn't think of anything else. Besides, I love cross-dressing, and this is one of those occasions where it's a little more acceptable.

If you haven't read the book yet, and you're over thirteen years of age, I highly recommend it. It's not dense, it's not hard language, but it's not necessarily action packed either. Yet, I still found it comforting to visit Holden every night and see how he was doing.

Aren't I just beautiful...

Pardon my face... and the stupid mirror picture thing. I was having a wicked shitty day when I took this. Forgot to take my meds that day, and that came back and kicked me in the ass real hard. I learned my lesson, that's for sure.


All "men's" clothing, including a sports bra so my boobs don't exist. Last time I checked, Holden does not have breasts. So I had to compensate.

One of my brother's friends, Matt, pointed out the irony. I was dressing up as Holden, Holden refers to everybody as phonies, and I was one goddamn phony. It's funny. Why aren't you laughing.

A small handful of people fully appreciated the joke. Another good fraction of people knew who I was, including a couple of freshman who had already read the book. The rest thought I was just dressed up as some classy guy wearing his hunting hat backwards.

And yes, my English teacher got a big kick out of the costume when I wore to to school on Halloween.

Ty explaining Halloween to someone outside of our odd country. I came up with a make believe skit. (I've always wanted to try play-writing, so here we go).

"So... here's Halloween in a nutshell. On October 31st, kids dress up and go around door-to-door at night, and ask for candy. It's supposed to be a scary trickster kind of holiday, and some people like to scare others at night time."

"Why is it October 31st?"

"Uh. I dunno. It just... is."

"And.. these kids? What do they dress up as?"

"Well... pretty much anything, really. Some dress up in more 'traditional' costumes, like a witch, pumpkin, or a ghost... and--"

"Wait what? Why pumpkins? Pumpkins aren't scary... just orange, no?"

"Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention, pumpkins are also a part of it, since pumpkins are in harvest during Halloween. A lot of people carve faces and patterns into pumpkins, and put a candle inside so it glows. We call these Jack-o-Lanterns."

"Who's Jack??"


"....so you were saying about the kids?"

"Yeah they basically dress up as whatever they want, really. A lot of teenagers and adults do it too, but people typically stop trick-or-treating when they're in High School."

"Trick or.. what??"

"Oh, that's what we call when we go around and ask for candy... the kids go up to the door, ring the doorbell, and say, 'Trick or Treat!' Basically, they're asking the people for a trick or a treat. Nowadays, people just hand out candy."


"Yeah... that's pretty much all you need to know..."

"Your country's weird."